OUT of Control with Mike Resnick: The Mental Health Hotline

Mike Resnick, now that Arthur C. Clarke has passed, is probably the greatest living science fiction writer. He certainly has won more awards (Hugo, Nebula, etc.) than anybody else. He sent me the following this morning, and I thought I'd share: Thank you for calling the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can finish tracing your call. If you are delusional, listen carefully and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are dyslexic, press 6 9 6 9 6 9 6 9. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name. If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

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