Here’s an “Oldie but
Goldie” which is timely considering the stimulus package the President is due to sign tomorrow...
Heaviest element
known to science has now been discovered.
Lawrence Livermore
Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The
new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv),has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called
"morons",which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particlescalled "peons". Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is
inert.However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction
with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause
a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to
take from 4 days to
4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a
normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a
"reorganization" in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to
become neutrons, forming "isodopes". This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever
morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as "critical morass". When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes "Administratium" (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as
much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
