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Another Poster Child for the PR Wall of Shame

Feb. 13, 2006

Darn, just when I've sworn off doing it, another press release comes in over the transom that just _begs_ to be posted on what little space is left on the Wall.

Enterprise content management provider, [name withheld] announces today the availability of [name withheld] Release 2 (R2) 2006 now able to orchestrate any number of active servers to manage disparate applications as one, easy-to-manage virtual repository, and completely compliant with 100% of [name withheld] and service-ori...

Darn, just when I've sworn off doing it, another press release comes in over the transom that just _begs_ to be posted on what little space is left on the Wall.

Enterprise content management provider, [name withheld] announces today the availability of [name withheld] Release 2 (R2) 2006 now able to orchestrate any number of active servers to manage disparate applications as one, easy-to-manage virtual repository, and completely compliant with 100% of [name withheld] and service-oriented architectures. "This release is a reflection of the requests expressed by our customers and provides a completely service-oriented architecture (SOA) and an enhanced infrastructure to support and be compliant with complex system environments, including fault tolerance, clustering, farming, and server virtualization," [anonymous], CTO of [name withheld] says. "[name withheld] R2 is the second release out of three scheduled releases for 2006 and the most ambitious of this year's product announcements -- without sacrificing the quality and reliability that our customers are accustomed to receiving from us." Excelling in the [name withheld] industry, [name withheld] is the enterprise information management software of choice for [names withheld] and numerous other prominent [market withheld]. [name withheld] R2 2006 delivers complete products and solutions for enterprise information management (EIM), including and combining enterprise content integration (ECI), enterprise information integration (EII), enterprise content management (ECM) and business process management (BPM) capabilities in a single, consistent solution. "With this release, we are providing our customers with cutting edge technology unmatched by any other single product on the market," [anonymous], President of [name withheld] says. "We are providing performance, scalability, and reliability at a price also unmatched. [name withheld] 2006 will drastically reduce the risks and costs associated with the development, if any, deployment, maintenance and support of a solution to a fraction compared to other traditional software solutions."

Come on now, give us a hint...anybody able to tell what this thing does yet? I think it is software.

Major features of [name withheld] R2 2006 include: -- Innovative design and architecture. The entire design and architecture has been enhanced to be completely service-oriented (SOA) compliant.

Is any software architecture not innovative in design and architecture?

-- Enhanced support for complex environments. The infrastructure of the product has been enhanced to support and be compliant with complex system environments, including fault tolerance, workload balancing, clustering, farming, and server virtualization. The product now supports Active/Active, or any number of Active servers at the same time.

A little jargon here, a little jargon there, pretty soon you have gobbledy-gook!

-- Complete system virtualization. By hiding the complexity of dealing with complex systems, disparate applications, and heterogeneous data, [name withheld]'s innovative design virtualizes systems, applications and data, transcending the common software paradigm and optimizing existing and future IT investments by making them more useful, easier to manage, and less expensive (total cost of ownership.)

It transcends the common software paradigm!

-- Improved performance. [name withheld] orchestrates any number of servers, databases, storages and repositories as one single virtual repository, transcending traditional software boundaries and providing unparalleled performance.

It transcends traditional software boundaries too!

-- New management tools. [name withheld]'s new, web-based management tools (Administration and Operation applications) are designed to manage and operate complex solutions comprised of multiple systems as if it were one single system. This virtualization of the management is specifically designed to simplify the initial and on-going configuration, maintenance, monitoring, supporting and troubleshooting of the solution.

It virtualizes management!

[name withheld] R2 2006 targets customers looking to either implement/develop new solutions and/or upgrade from previous [withheld] solutions.

In other words, "we'll sell it to anybody, warm or not."

For current customers using [withheld], [name withheld] R2 is 100% compatible with [withheld], does not require migrations and/or conversions, seamlessly supports existing user applications (no code changes or recompilations are necessary), and provides the same or higher performance and reliability, easier manageability, and greatly improved inter-operability.

I am laughing too hard to go on...

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